Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Mothering Orphan With Various Approaches

Mothering Orphan With Various Approaches
Priyo Sudarmanto

A. Antecedent
Become an orphan of course non-a choice, but what energy if destiny mark with lines someone to become orphan. Sorrow and surrenderness of course insufficient to finish problem. They are orphan need good support in the form of moral and also spiritual.
Existence of orphan many us meet everywhere, around us, possible our neighbour, in countrysides and or in metropolis, even its amount more and more day becoming increase. When us follow news in mass media, we will feel unheartless see disasters that happened each other change and eat many victims. Between him leave over remained by children is its parent death.
Orphan is child that in remaining death by its father of the child moment not yet reached age of puberty. Child that in remaining death by its mother when he still small is not the including orphan. Genesisly word, motherless meaning is losing of its mains which account maintenance. In Islam, becoming underwriter reply maintenance business is father and not mother
With all its limitation of orphan later, then become mankind which is sorrow, particularly in them family which is indigent. Differ from orphan, which still have mother by having effort relative establish, they in abundance possible economics but less perfect protection and affection will from father figure. But if the mother also in castigating poorness, hence increasing him/ it, particularly again at orphan which in remaining death by both its parent.
At early a child become orphan, possible he/she will experience of suffering which is heavy loss. Experience sock from condition of which initialy have father able to answer the demand of they necessaries, changing to situation loss of father, so that make he/she adapt with condition. Gradually instinctively self-supporting readier them in comparing ordinary children. Independence this orphan requires to be instructed, because the independence has potency to at antipodes. Orphan can become life asset and stock of SDM (human source) that with quality to society, nation, and religion if them instructed. But orphan also flange can to pathologist, otherwise get real correct tuition, like arranged difficult, naughty or delinquent, even flange to crime because lack of attention, affection, observation, and or education which [is] minim
Appearance assistance institutions of orphan become rescuer for them. Ironically, signalize some of assistance institutions of the orphan exactly exploit orphan. Motherless children of its upbringing in forcing have to strive to scarbble to look for fund to the continuity of institution, though the children still under age which ought to more concentration at education in school bench. This phenomenon progressively intensive at the time of ramadhan moon under the cloak of to lacking of fund open fasting, sahur, etcetera. It is true nicely teach about hard work, but if have influenced process learn teaching him/ it, its children world, hence that thing become less ethical. What a their burden weight at the time of morning till noon go to school, later then go home from school have to circle to look for donator which will cast aside its money to be is decent of them. Suppose obtained fund it is true really for the sake of orphan, nursemaid don't from the institution also taking advantage of him/ it.
A motherless child who is not ideal released with various equivocation, whereas shaded only owning potency and which do not have problem. Though they both of the same is owns of share in sustaining assistance institution of orphan. Their small moment ahead various aid come for they were all, if now moment bolt happened big of difference and deviation of behavior, possible there is wrong of mothering of them, non continuing is neglected of them after many aid emit a stream of from society
Decent of orphan not yet become maximal culture at our society, if there is the decent in character still partial, for example more intensive just at the time of holy ramadhan moon, or at the time of society visited by someone to ask contribution, that thing earn to be tolerated when our society still a lot live insuffiency economical. More than that, aids for orphan do not desist to reach it. Orphan need aid till adult him and can be self-supporting. Therefore to solve problem this need support from all side. Governmental pass legal fundament of UUD 1945 section 34, have expressed protection to motherless children, but how much/many gratuity of fund which is allocation of social department for the handling of this orphan? That thing felt less maximal otherwise in supporting by wide of society, benefactor, privat enterprises, etcetera.
Focus of this article is to converse limited to about mothering of orphan with various approach of psychology spectacles, sociology, education, etcetera. This matter of background by concern of us of pattern mothering of less embosoming orphan, so that cause they don't have interest in fording hard and self-supporting life later on big moment day wait, even exactly flange at behavior digress. This article do not use specific certain erudite method, writer only explained intertextuality reference lightly and is easy going.

B. Solution
Like have been explained in the face of that orphan have potency to become two sides which is opposite. Can become person which are positive if/when its mothering of correctness, but also can become negative person if/when its wrong mothering. In the world of psychology in recognizing with term of delinquent which refer at mischief of children
a. Mothering of orphan in psychological side
Child of delinquent more coming from household family which is not intact which because of divorce of parent, quarel of parent, as well as including remained by orphan is father death or mother or both. They less is getting of attention and growth of discipline and norms, they also less is getting of entertainment amusement or bliss within doors so that he/she look for outdoorsly
Therefore, so that orphan does not fall to in delinquent, what they require not merely items fund, but also affection and attention. Orphan which shading below assistance institution of orphan, usually more focused by at aspect accomplishment of requirement of just items economics. He/She who enlist institution nurseling usually go to institution just for getting fund quota, but after residing in its family, mothering of psychological mental of him, moral and his/its personality, less is paid attention.
Will be more being good if decent system that more integrated, in means, assistance institution of the orphan do not only giving just decent, but also give mothering like reformatory model. At orphan which still have family, for example still have you or mother becoming sponsor, but under poorness line, usually follow to shade in assistance institution of orphan, but he/she is only getting decent just materially is. Ought to the official member of institution also give aid of moral for the shake of psychological growth of him. Hence needed many volunteer able to conduct adjacent to orphan, for example one volunteer consort five orphan, or is slimmer [of] orphan consorted will be more focus.
The orphan volunteer within reason parent take care of which must totalize all out, just only the difference with raise parent, he/she needn't release decent fund, which require to be released by is energy, mind, and time for orphan. There is certain people which become benefactor because can by financial to be is decent of just orphan, but cannot give decently of moral. Is in consequence required volunteer capable to give moral support though cannot give materially, thanks if can both, but isn't it true that altogether nothing that perfect. At orphan that don't have mother father and don't have sponsor, they are in accomodation live in institution within reason of shelter. If at mentioned first case of institution become second house to orphan, at this case of institution is its house. At this case need more extra attention, because they don't have whoms again able to give material moral support. Institution shall not merely simply becoming link or catalyst between benefactor or one who want to be raise parent or which adopt child to take care of with orphan, but also partake share in strong psychological forming to orphan as stock after adult wait
b. Mothering of orphan in sociological side
Herbert Spencer a sociology figure developing evolution theory of Darwin, please tell that in human being society also happened way of living, overcoming and life manipulation, behaviour with principle survival of the fittest. This need in supplying to motherless children so that he/she can survive in life of his/its social have, interaction to with his/its social world and can take advantage of the interaction. Expected by they earn to open the effort enterprenuer later on day. Any small-scale lawful effort though.
In social interaction theory spectacles, individual influenced by good vinicity environment of physical and also social, so also on the contrary social environment and physical around him can influence by individual, equally is influencing each other. Therefore if the orphans reside in environment around ugly hence the children also become ugly person also. Hence needing the existence of environment which both for orphan for the shake of growth of [his/its] person. If the child become goodness, expected [by] after him reside in other environment will bring kindliness to other environment, and change the environment become goodness also.
" Environment is all important book able to in reading by children" (Chrysostomus). In consequence institution expected can become environment which both for orphan with mothering, education, and instruction about values, norm, morality, religion, enterpreneurship, leadership, is same [job/activity], etcetera as its life stock later on day. So that after big him wait and live in society, what he/she earn in mentioned institution can be applied in going into society and trying so that he/she remain to survive. Child taught about how to live on in the hard world, sometimes we is former pains must nestle then, hence suffering that ordinary such as those which in feeling in this time without father. Without grief human life becoming not heavy, they’re no responsibility, they’re no sacrifice, and they’re no solidarity
Human being is free perpetrator in the world of social, though in some cases also in form by social world that have there is. So also with orphan dweller of reformatory, they are in giving rope will where he/she to welcome its future without there is constraint to go to specific-purpose desired by nursemaid, but nursemaid in fact also partake share in forming patterned thinking, idea, their creativity automatically. Peter M. Blue a sociologist expresses, that freeman chosen the target of them, but only among alternatives, which have been determined structurally. In this case of the alternatives is made in institution which in the form of suggestion, input, program, setting which presumably can become knowledge or reference to orphan to chosen which road is which is in going through in going to success in its future. Therefore freedom to orphan is not free which free and ease, responsibility there is still the nursemaid to instruct. However human being do not is entirely determined by environment, because process of socialization not such a complete efficacy. In this case child cannot is as a whole determined by all nursemaid which have socialized various alternatives as stock later adult him, nursemaid have to patiently continually always give its science, its attention, alternatives, etcetera, because stock what have been passed to that child not yet last for making efficacy. Nursemaid don't easy to satisfy by what have been given by because that efficacy continue to proceed without have is complete.
Let child conduct objectification, internalization, and externalization, in mean the object child can or can see, feeling, assessing, criticizing all knowledge stock which in giving by nursemaid. Sure from some knowledge which he/she earn will in internalization into its feeling mind that that compatible or good alternative. Afterwards newly he/she earns knowledge externalization that have in the internalization in the form of creative ideas masterpiece about its future.
Model mothering of orphan by community can be applied, child motivated without having to exploit. Answering the demand of requirement of institution household do not only with searching donor by door to door, but can by conducting self-supporting effort. In the world of psychology in recognizing with strategy coping, in sociology world in recognizing with survival mechanism, while in the world of anthropology in recognizing with adaptation strategy. Its example of children him in inviting to involve in production of subsistence like looking after chicken livestock, parrot, fish, etcetera; planting kinds of fruit tree, vegetable, seasonings, drug crop, etcetera. Besides for the sake of institution family, if/when its result more abundance can in selling. Children also can in teaching various skill for example sewing for woman and the things mechanic for men, just in a few of moon can is swiftly practiced by field. It is of course do not in is same smooth down at all of orphan age; have to be accomodated also with enthusiasm and his/its talent. Like orphanage example of in Klungkung Bali shading some victim orphan bomb Bali, successful apply communal system where child invited to use the source of its environment for monetary requirement of them, children work variously for the fullfill of important requirement of them. In Kebumen Central Java a reformatory apply life mutual assistancely in enough togetherness of requirement of institution big family by besides animal stocking and garden, also make wall decoration handicraft, calligraphy, plastic flower etcetera.
Sometimes as official member of motherless nursemaid or institution, they manage and treat orphan as object like goods, that thing is not ethical inappropriate and is existence of. Attitude of ontology correct to deal with others is to look after with attention and non-managing by handling. Looking after with attention place child become subject which independence, free have expression to purcase its goals. Nursemaids give attention start the child of small things, become self-supporting person, strength, and survive in fording hard life. On the contrary manage by handling is authoritative attitude, where child have to according to at willingness of nursemaid, so that child do not alter program robot him able to like this and so. Like that will kill creative ideas of them. Looking after with attention more micro having the character of is each child person which it is of course differ one another, while managing by handling more macro having the character of, because all the child generalized and all policy is down to eart of institution. It is better if the child is also given by facility and freedom will emit a stream of where the child later, nursemaid only looking after with its attention in order not to misdirection.
c. Mothering of orphan in education side
Education in institution can adopt and perfecting of formal education system. At formal education system of possibility also less perfect in applying its own system. Therefore earn in completing in institution. If in formal education only dot weigh against at intellectual forming (IQ) but minim in forming of spiritual (SQ) and of professionality. In consequence in institution family can give forming of spiritual more proportional by performing a religion studys about morality, value, and norm. Do not forget education in institution also have to give forming of professionality (skill knowladge) like membership practice, analyse, leadership, is same activity, conduct emotion (EQ), etcetera. Such as those which have been explained in the face of children in inviting field practice about membership individually and also team, can analyse about something which is must needed, can lead, group management, x'self management pass operation of his/its emotion, etcetera. Because each child individual have ideas which unequal one another causing conflict, but the conflict become to be dialogued is late of mentioned x'self management become something that develop.
Target of education not merely to give just and skill of knowladge which create skillful human beings, more than that the target of more important education [is] to make each human being have wise attitude (wisdom) in experiencing life, wise good in the form of hablum minallah, wise hablum minannas and or with vinicity environment. Live with wisdom and wisdom is well-balanced life with cosmos content, this wise attitude do not only can in earning from simply and cognition of psycomotory, but also with affection. In formal education system, including dimension of cognition that is concerning agility use brain, this matter can meet by science subject, IPA, IPS, etcetera. Dimension of Psycomotory, that is which concerning bodily agility or body, can meet in the field of sport, skill of hand, etcetera. And also dimension of affection, that is concerning goal feel, clear feeling, can meet by religion subject, education of moral, artistry, etcetera. In formal education, portion of each the dimension more dot weigh against at just cognate dimension. Though there is dimension of psycomotory and of affection, but only in giving small portion, so that become lame, child only sharpened sharply at cognate side. For that education in institution can make balance to with interest dot weigh against at dimension of psycomotory and of affection more, slimmer cognate on the contrary. This is education viewpoint such as those which have explained many in the face of, dimension of psycomotory can be conducted by sharpening skill in certain effort areas to answer the demand of requirement of life in institution, and also for the stock of skill of adult him moment wait. At dimension of affection, it is of course is by giving education of moral, religion values, activity reading of Al-Qur’an, tausiah, is etcetera given for spiritual spraying and form human being character owning good affection. Learn religion moral value do not simply mere textual, but also need the carrying out of bravely question, criticizing, suing, and making belief in God as continuous experimentation to test experience of us Godlikely, because belief have never finished which continue to proceed without have ended. Therefore religion studys performed do not just is one way, but two direction with giving opportunity of child to raise question, criticism, and suing so that happened to be dialogued by interactive. Activitys of have artistry to be also conducted to sharpen their esthetics like music, paint, and etcetera. They is also given by opportunity to come up in front of audience in expressing esthetics have its artistry to. Result of art picturesquely, calligraphy, handicraft etcetera, can be displayed to public to get apressiation beside music performance, and legitimate stage, etcetera.
1. Education of child friendliness
Education in institution also have to express friendly education of child, that is centering to importance of child as a whole by coming near and mothering all aspect growth of physical, social, emotional, and intellectual; esteeming wont to knowing, fantasy, creativity, opinion, child enthusiasm and idea; esteeming, respecting, and trusting child; and also communicate and improve to be dialogued. Mothering orphan with method education of child friendliness more child basic rights centre on, non simply authoritative willingness of institution vision which not yet fitted in with child aspiration, this matter will be more be effective and can invite creative child to be more concretes its ideas. In this case have to in atmosphere manure dialogued open and non-simply monologue of nursemaid of institution, which way will be met by uniquency at each orphan individual. Mikhail Bakhtin a humanist express, that human being is not dead object which is soul do not and have expression, he always express and give meaning at x'self. Therefore don't position child as object like dead object but subject. With our object position only knowing, but when subject mean us also have to comprehend. With dialogued the other (the other) in this case the child, can play its role as the x'self (self), in dialogued by human being existence met where without the is other, the x'self do not have a meaning (of) something. By positioning like that connote to invite child to be self-supporting to play its role of him.
There is proposition expressing, more and more someone check x'self by discursive, passing conversation and dialogued, progressively he earn freely thinking and act. Important therefore in braiding to be dialogued by between nursemaid with in mothering in well-balanced atmosphere, there no ordinate sub and ordinate, understanding and which do not understand, so that individual stimulated in concerned in the discursive for the reflection of x'self, recognizing x'self so that can find new changes, new ideas, and new creativity.
In dialogued ideal, the other cannot reduce by the x'self, the other which we invite to dialogue non ego alter to the x'self, " he is non other me." Its meaning the nursemaid cannot force its will to which in mothering, because him is not person the nursemaid, he/she is difference which other is at all and visitor having rights of subjective. Good wherever of life in life and also institution in society, we always need " which non us," separate life (exclusive) and is impervious the than other is life which is subtle, and discursive is its media. It is true in dialogued sometime happened difference, but difference is habit, colour of variously is matter which is normal, which must take heed by is fear to variously wanted unite every thing in one single opinion which exactly represent fascism
Penalization at child [doing/conducting] mistake of penalization shall develop. Physical penalization still can be tolerated if given with atmosphere of fun, without grudge, and do not hurt, but exactly make healthyly. Mistakes have to in seeing objectively, making mistake is fair, they will not learn otherwise do wrong. With doing wrong he/she will find the problem of that life non-simply between two choices, but live is two undoubtedly. As well as possible someone surely will do wrong also, but all-important is how to mistake eliminates, can learn from mistake, and out for do not repeat is same mistake.
2. Education of inclusive
One of the education issue in this time which is to education of inclusif, that is education orienting accomplishment of requirements all child, without reference to difference of them and ascertain they have opportunity to participate and have contribution to fully equivalent and also at what is going on in its community. Though education of inclusif destined at formal education institution, but also can be applied at institution like assistance institution of orphan. Model education of inclusif also centre on importance of child, without reference to difference of them, so that each owning opportunity to release opinion, trying, practicing on, come up to have, expression without having to there is dominant, monopolistic, which excluded, passive, etcetera. In their institution community each standing high is same and sit is same lower, distance between child and nursemaid also have to lessen, institution represent community which is egaliter, though each owning insuffiency and excess. Its example of him, there no difference between girl and boy in accessing given by skill is institution, just may be of boy learn to sew which in fact more ideal for daughter if it is true he/she like, so also on the contrary at skill of automotif for example.
Education of inclusif is also viewed as by education of which can responcible believe in community. There are phenomenons that assistance institution of orphan pieses by pieses in confidence of certain religion. Assistance institution of orphan which is have Islam bases to for example, also can accept motherless children which believe in the non moslem without having to there is mainstream convert them to Islam. Inclusif besides expressing gender, and ethnical composition, also the including religion. Two mentioned first matter can be heterogeneous, but religion problem still is homogeneous. Decent of orphan with shroud of syiar religion totalitarianly is do not be ethical and trespass basic rights the child. Even so there is orphan of non moslem, have to be treated is samely without discrimination. Syiar shall be more be flexible is without having to forced, but orphan of non moslem at institution have Islam bases to also can exactly more paid attention from at other motherless children because importance to convert mentionedly, this matter can cause social jelaousy in community. So also on the contrary with assistance institution of orphan from non moslem also have to apply the spirit of education of inclusif. Must overruled first religious exclusive arogancy, decent of the orphan is above anything. Possible this matter will differ its situation at assistance institution of orphan coming from government or is independent ( NGO/ LSM) which non have bases to of certain religion, but non meaning when have certain religion bases to of mainstream will like that, definitive is the spirit of inclusif more able to accommodate child basic rights. Importance of child is above anything and non religion arogansi, anyway if/when the child full grown and clear thinking, they have earned to determine whichly is which are best to its. Important duty from entire/all religion is to develop a religious view, which realize about human universality and sensitive to variously.
Orphan require to be taught by about target live as mankind, that life do not just getting advantage, items, competition, prestige, in life also need in partner, is same activity, goal, affection, morality, spirituality, essence and togetherness. Require to be taught by about long-range thinking (long term mode) from at short thinking to get advantage immediately without caring to its effects in period to come. Live in society is living in plurality, hence early on have to be developed by education of have community bases to and of multicultural considering and accomodating variously.
Meaning success not merely limited to succeeding to reach what most wanted by whereas undesirable try to be avoided. Successful criterion is not on the basis of liking or hate, cause do not all that lawful easiness as well as do not each which in hating to represent illicitly. Success in life does not simply getting advantage, items, and prestige that are imanence. Successful by following what most wanted by is to follow passion atmosphere which there no its satisfaction boundary. Sometimes to be able to success have to pass something that exactly we hate, for example is hard work, sacrifice, assidinity, and commitment. In consequence as an orphan have to continue out forly of optimism remain to more fairer look for a support future. Condition of orphan non a barrier to continue to learn and get wise to how to ford life.
3. Study of Co-Operative
There are type learn able to be applied in institution expressing is same activity of social, that is study of co-operative which refer at instruction method and study accomodating children owning ability background or each membership to cooperate in small corps to reach an target or importance of is same them. Study of co-operative embolden student of have interaction to actively and positive in corps. With type study of child co-operative do not simply in inviting to theory cloud that is abstraction but really practicing on it. Every child surely has each membership and talent that one another differ, in type study of this co-operative is they are united to cooperate in the community to reach the target of with. In type study of co-operative every child earn is filling each other is equiping each other every each excess and insuffiency. This indicates that the each individual cannot live by xself under own team hence cooperating to reach the target of with. For example a demure child but qualified in sewing but he/she do not know have to be where is it placed by result of its stitching, a other child dare to and bright talk which cannot sew but him have talent for the presentation of, this Second child can be taught by for offer or sell stitching product of mentioned first child, so that its result can be used by for the sake of both of them.
If children educated by the institution have adult and graduate from institution become collegiate, shall don't continue to drop the ball string of silahturahmi. If successful them in trying in society, they earn to be made by match and link to children which still shade in institution, for example the children can a kind of PKL ( Practice Work Field) in place the institution collegiate which have successful become self-supporting entrepreneur. Other partly which have senior but not yet blaze the way certain effort can become nursemaid in the institution which direct some junior, because most knowing them how orphan psychology, because first moment still small also experience of same thing, differing from nursemaid which do not have orphan background. That way the senior can shar experience about its past with junior, and which is junior earn consultation to effective senior with interest because in the same boat.

C. Conclusion
Orphan is problem for us all, needing support all side to follow to participate in surpass of suffer heavy loss of orphan of economic side, social, and its culture. Orphan besides potency can be negative also can become asset of SDM (human resource) nation, religion, and society there is positive if it’s mothering of correctness.
Mothering orphan can with various approach, basically in this essay take care of the child can categorize at two category, psychological mothering and mothering of his social. Psychological mothering of him can form character, personality, bouncing, moral, which either through education of religion, value, moral, and order etcetera. Mothering of its social is so that they earn to have socialization in society to be able to get benefit of the social relation pass education how to cooperate (co-operative have), interaction, inclusif with social environment, dialogued to esteem difference, etcetera.
Gift of stock various skill and sharpen talent hidden they is conducted as stock to be they earn self-supportingly of adult him moment wait. With various skilled, which have been given to be to be expected by they earn to open effort to answer the demand of requirement of its life so that do not encumber others again.


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